Thursday, June 22, 2017

It is with a heavy heart that I announce....

With tears and feelings of defeat... I have come to the conclusion that I won't be making it to London to attend Worlds in August due to financial reasons. I won't be finishing what I started. At least not this year, or the next year. I have already started my exit strategy for reversing out of my current comp prep to transition back into normalcy and real life with a balanced diet and deloading from comp training.






I put it out there in the universe, I tried to speak it into existence, and I even went as far as swallowing my pride, showing my vulnerability, and asked for help.... it just didn't happen for me. There is something in the universe that does not want me going to London and competing at this time. I am not sure why, but based off of past experiences, I am positive that there is a reason that will reveal itself with time and that something better will be coming my way. It just wasn't meant to be. It's a hard pill to swallow and it will definitely take me some time to accept this outcome…I guess that it is just not my time right now. I also need to accept that when I needed every type of help and support from everyone the most.... I didn’t receive it..... I really felt let down. Not only that, but I feel like I let myself and everyone else down as wellㅡfor those that cared enough anyways. Who knows... depending on the reason that reveals itself.. maybe I'll be thanking everyone later. 😐

In my life... there are periods of time when everything falls apart only to come together for an even better outcome than what would have been. I don't know why some things have to get so bad and fall apart so much for things to come together and fall into place the way that they do. But it does and that's how my life works and I've accepted that long ago. I try my best to roll with the punches and to fight back every single time.

I feel like the universe is currently testing my newfound strength. I continue to tell myself that is on the side with the storm clouds and the tornadoes ripping through making an absolute mess of everything that there is indeed sunlight, blue skies, and a rainbow with a pot of gold on the other side.... because it's true. When things are going extremely well it seems like it’s prime time for the inevitable crash that will hit somewhere soon down the road. Not just obstacles to overcome, walls to hurdle, or mountains to climb, but a huge explosion with the strongest storms imaginable tearing things apart. I have to come back from this each and every time..... not just once or twice. That's life for you I guess. And we all deal with it in our own way with different types of issues, situations, and intensity of things.

There is more to all of this than just watching my goals and dreams slip right out from underneath me while fighting the good fight to keep them alive. And it was a good fight, but I am going to surrender and listen to the universe instead of continuing to put up a fight as I take this sign very seriously. I put a huge financial strain on my family to make my dreams and goals a reality, the preps were mentally draining, and I don't even get to finish what I started, which is very heartbreaking in and of itself. It's like a person who qualified for the Olympics, but then doesn't get to go and fulfill that dream and opportunity because they couldn't afford to go. And while growing and finding myself throughout my journey... relationships have been strained even further than before. My PCOS symptoms are at a severe level right now due to my hormonal system being all out of whack from the preps, and I have to work with my body to help it find balance again. I've done it before and I can do it again.

I am in a weird position right now to say the least as I feel stronger than ever before and proud of what I've done and accomplished with everything in my life thus far and how far I've come from where I was physically, mentally, and emotionally just 5 years ago.... yet feel so low and defeated and angry at myself.

With that being said.... it is with a heavy heart that I announce my withdrawal from Huff 'n Puff to Buff 'n Tough for a while. I no longer have the motivation to share my journey at this time and I don't know when I'll be back. Maybe in a few weeks. Maybe in a few months. Maybe longer. This isn't first time I have been away and it won't be the last. The last time I spent some time away was due to my pregnancy where I couldn't physically be active with my fitness. That lasted for about a year. I came back after I thought I had some sort handle on motherhood as a first-time new mom and little did I know that I would achieve so much throughout the 2 years after I came back. I have been posting almost everyday for the past 2 years. It’s time for a break. Big or small... I don't know. That will depend on my situation, life, my mental state, moods and thoughts towards opening up and sharing again, etc.


"The comeback is always stronger than the setback."


As for everyone that donated to my GoFundMe page (which wasn't many) you have already been notified and refunded. I thank you so much for your generosity and wanting to help. It absolutely meant the world to me and always will! 💜

I will still be posting on the blog and Twitter with sponsor and ambassador posts, but outside of that... I won't be posting anything else for the time being. I need to unplug and recharge for a while... make some important decisions about my life and what I want, and focus on healing my mind and body from the preps, failures, life, people, and EVERYTHING behind closed doors.

Thanks for understanding. Have a great Summer and may all your hopes, dreams, and goals become reality.

Talk soon.

"What defines us is how well we rise after falling."







2 comments:

  1. I JUST FOUND YOUR BLOG, I WISH I FOUND IT EARLIER I WOULDVE DONATED SOMETHING!! I AM AT WORK CRYING READING ABOUT YOUR FITNESS JOURNEY. IM SO SORRY YOU DIDNT GET TO GO TO LONDON, SOMETIMES THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON. MAYBE IT WASNT HEALTHY WITH ALL THE PREP AND ALL THAT. IN THE END, IT SUCKS. IM SORRY. YOU SHOULD HAVE GOT MORE SUPPORT,
    YOUR BLOG IS SO INSPIRATIONAL. I HOPE YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL SUMMER WITH YOUR BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUT, PLEASE DONT FORGET THAT. YOU ARE SO INSPIRATIONAL AND I LOVE THE FACT THAT YOUR ARE AN OPEN BOOK. PLEASE COME BACK SOON!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm honored to receive a call coming from a friend
    as he found out the important points shared on your site.
    Looking at your blog post is a real wonderful experience.
    Many thanks for thinking of readers much like me, and I wish you the best of achievements for a professional in this field.

    ReplyDelete